Sometimes you just don’t want to be left in the dark, but you have no choice but to. Have you ever been so scared of something that feels so good, it is kind of hard to fathom. I sometimes feel like I am in that position. I’m learning everyone has their own story and that you have to be understanding of others stories and just not your own. Everything is sometimes left a mystery, I don’t want to be in the dark especially if I care this much.
Just a short thought.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Time
So this will be this first blog in a while lets see what could this one could be about...
I was thinking that maybe I need to cherish these college days more than I do and stop overanalyzing everybody every damn day. I'm sitting here surrounded by all my girls and realize that I probably won't have these day in about 3 or 4 years. Where I have no worries in the world pay hardly any bills and the only thing being asked of me is to further my education when will this ever happen in my life time again. Hmmm never. As much as I want to go against the grain of not having a new years resolution maybe one is called for in this type of situation.
News Years Resolution: Become more free spirited.
I just need to realize these are my younger days I have to realize these are probably my friends for life and I'm pretty content with the bunch that I have chosen.
On the other hand life has chosen to deal me a different set of cards, maybe I shouldn't jinx anything so I won't speak of it just yet. :D
Well this is a rather short blurb of what was on my mind I shall be back later.
I was thinking that maybe I need to cherish these college days more than I do and stop overanalyzing everybody every damn day. I'm sitting here surrounded by all my girls and realize that I probably won't have these day in about 3 or 4 years. Where I have no worries in the world pay hardly any bills and the only thing being asked of me is to further my education when will this ever happen in my life time again. Hmmm never. As much as I want to go against the grain of not having a new years resolution maybe one is called for in this type of situation.
News Years Resolution: Become more free spirited.
I just need to realize these are my younger days I have to realize these are probably my friends for life and I'm pretty content with the bunch that I have chosen.
On the other hand life has chosen to deal me a different set of cards, maybe I shouldn't jinx anything so I won't speak of it just yet. :D
Well this is a rather short blurb of what was on my mind I shall be back later.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Music and It's Times
So I logged into IMEEM while I'm running around the house packing and such to move back to norfolk [shoot me] and I ran across one of my old school playlist [hmm] sooo I clicked on it and started just thinking...so it inspired me to write a blog.
Man o Man, so I'm listening to "Friend or Foe" Jay-Z, for those who don't know, and it just put me in a state of mind like wow the evolution of music has, well to the obvious eye, downgraded. I often wonder how it would be to live in the mid-90's being my age as of right now, it seems like the vibe of music was so much stronger people actually enjoyed it and just didn't release bullshit tracks for the money. That whole vibe that whole feel of the music of urban HIP HOP/RAP and R&B in general was RAW back then, even if it was mainstream, which most of it was. IT WAS REAL. [hmph] I feel that maybe YOU have to be a music head to relate but artist nowadays release, well stuff for the clubs and the clubs only. SHIT, I want music that I can vibe with..well whenever I want to. I can't really ask of much of any artist nowadays people have no such originality left [its fuckin' terrible]. I do commend the artist that have not jumped on the money bandwagon and stayed true to actually pleasing their fans and releasing shit that isn't dumbed down. [LUPE]
uhhh on another note something that really pissed me off while I was listening to music was Teedra Moses. Complex Simplicity her first album has to be the most raw and original sound I have heard in a long time. You can feel what she says every song is different she's so versatile and that's what I love in an artist. Every rhythm and every word spoken it's like falling into your own thoughts and just floating [unexplainable feeling]. So much for that, I was browsing her myspace page to listen to her new tracks for her [long awaited second album] and she has a MIXTAPE, sounds nothing like her. HMMM a little back ground information on Teedra is basically she is a very UNDER RATED artist that had a marketing team that didn't do shit for her [she signed under Lil' Jon what do you expect?] This new sound of hers sounds like a publicity stunt, or maybe its something new that's she's trying to do, but my thing is stick your roots! UGH. I loved her first album so much and was ABSOLUTELY disappointed by this mixtape she's already released, what happened to the second album? Taking skips and leaps into the wrong direction much....
Lastly should I even start on Lauryn Hill? Where are you? I kind of don't blame her for abandoning her fans because I feel as if she would have released another album now [highly anticipated, well to half of her fan base now] it might have not been the Lauryn we fell in loved with. Granted she does have a family and such but still that voice of hers should NOT go unused..
I could write about music forever, maybe in other blogs I won't bore you non-music heads.
Well that's my little spiel for this morning....
Man o Man, so I'm listening to "Friend or Foe" Jay-Z, for those who don't know, and it just put me in a state of mind like wow the evolution of music has, well to the obvious eye, downgraded. I often wonder how it would be to live in the mid-90's being my age as of right now, it seems like the vibe of music was so much stronger people actually enjoyed it and just didn't release bullshit tracks for the money. That whole vibe that whole feel of the music of urban HIP HOP/RAP and R&B in general was RAW back then, even if it was mainstream, which most of it was. IT WAS REAL. [hmph] I feel that maybe YOU have to be a music head to relate but artist nowadays release, well stuff for the clubs and the clubs only. SHIT, I want music that I can vibe with..well whenever I want to. I can't really ask of much of any artist nowadays people have no such originality left [its fuckin' terrible]. I do commend the artist that have not jumped on the money bandwagon and stayed true to actually pleasing their fans and releasing shit that isn't dumbed down. [LUPE]
uhhh on another note something that really pissed me off while I was listening to music was Teedra Moses. Complex Simplicity her first album has to be the most raw and original sound I have heard in a long time. You can feel what she says every song is different she's so versatile and that's what I love in an artist. Every rhythm and every word spoken it's like falling into your own thoughts and just floating [unexplainable feeling]. So much for that, I was browsing her myspace page to listen to her new tracks for her [long awaited second album] and she has a MIXTAPE, sounds nothing like her. HMMM a little back ground information on Teedra is basically she is a very UNDER RATED artist that had a marketing team that didn't do shit for her [she signed under Lil' Jon what do you expect?] This new sound of hers sounds like a publicity stunt, or maybe its something new that's she's trying to do, but my thing is stick your roots! UGH. I loved her first album so much and was ABSOLUTELY disappointed by this mixtape she's already released, what happened to the second album? Taking skips and leaps into the wrong direction much....
Lastly should I even start on Lauryn Hill? Where are you? I kind of don't blame her for abandoning her fans because I feel as if she would have released another album now [highly anticipated, well to half of her fan base now] it might have not been the Lauryn we fell in loved with. Granted she does have a family and such but still that voice of hers should NOT go unused..
I could write about music forever, maybe in other blogs I won't bore you non-music heads.
Well that's my little spiel for this morning....
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Random Tangent
Looking at the many amenties of life I just cant grasp the concept of reasoning as to why my blind eyes don't see the future of my own light. My eyes are impaired to visualize the many issues of solitude in their world, yet not mines. The reasoning to my calling is yet unclear, so undefined with a wit of sarcasm I can only convey my emotions that way. Yet when it comes to me, I as a being I'm distraught about what seems to be a million mile distance from love, understanding, and trust. My eyes can seem to capture and stay focus on the path that has been empathized and paved neatly out for me, I want to rebel make my own but in the storm of it all I just want to be.
Old Poem.
Random.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Mind Over Matter
So here I am sitting in Panera Bread trying to rattle my brain as to what I'm going to write about, I'm here with a friend and the whole concept of relationships comes up.
Hmm, where should I start with this subject, to be honestly I am a relationship type of gal but at the end of the day my independence seems to reign over the whole concept of being with someone, well in this point in time. I honestly haven't been in a whole hearted real relationship in about 2 years but have found random interest here and there but my big question is do we as humans overlook those who really could be our significant other.
I can say I have faced this problem a time or two in my time and always tried to be dumbfounded about the situation and ask myself as to why I would never date these fellows, we all have many complexies about people and one thing everyone has in common is shallowness.
A male friend and I were having a conversation about why people have specific molds that they want their significant others to fit in of course I agree yeah you need to have standards and of course don't settle but perfection is nonexistent.
My friend offered up a very good scenario one that was indepth but hey, let me put into to a nutshell...
Scenario: You have a bangin' ass guy or girl, physically speaking, and this bangin' ass guy or girl good as hell at pleasing you yet you can't have a decent conversation with this nigga or bitch that you some how one way or another are involved with.
Of course the outer beauty, or ugliness [if you will] is what you see first but past that first initial reaction of attraction what do you have. See people have this complex about physical nature and or attraction and I must agree to disagree about those who say "looks do matter". BULLSHIT. It urks me to think people do not see past this complex but hey everyone isn't me. I'm not saying looks are factored out but past the looks where do you go from there..... Of course I am one of those girls who is willing to give a person chance because I am more attracted to the intellect of a guy then their overalll looks because hey I might grow old with this guy, the outer beauty fades away but the intellect of the human brain never demises [unless other complications come along] but at the end of the day people may want to disagree, well a lot of people will disagree with what I'm saying but who cares.
Maybe I'm just one of those people who haven't stumbled over a person who has the looks and the personality. I guess at the end of the day shallowness is a complex everyone falls victim to, even myself but hey I try to avoid it. [yeah I sort of contradict myself throughout this blog but hey I'm trying to make a valid point]
Maybe you should to, because that one that you overlooked might be wifed [hubbied] up by the time you realize...
Good day all.
Hmm, where should I start with this subject, to be honestly I am a relationship type of gal but at the end of the day my independence seems to reign over the whole concept of being with someone, well in this point in time. I honestly haven't been in a whole hearted real relationship in about 2 years but have found random interest here and there but my big question is do we as humans overlook those who really could be our significant other.
I can say I have faced this problem a time or two in my time and always tried to be dumbfounded about the situation and ask myself as to why I would never date these fellows, we all have many complexies about people and one thing everyone has in common is shallowness.
A male friend and I were having a conversation about why people have specific molds that they want their significant others to fit in of course I agree yeah you need to have standards and of course don't settle but perfection is nonexistent.
My friend offered up a very good scenario one that was indepth but hey, let me put into to a nutshell...
Scenario: You have a bangin' ass guy or girl, physically speaking, and this bangin' ass guy or girl good as hell at pleasing you yet you can't have a decent conversation with this nigga or bitch that you some how one way or another are involved with.
Of course the outer beauty, or ugliness [if you will] is what you see first but past that first initial reaction of attraction what do you have. See people have this complex about physical nature and or attraction and I must agree to disagree about those who say "looks do matter". BULLSHIT. It urks me to think people do not see past this complex but hey everyone isn't me. I'm not saying looks are factored out but past the looks where do you go from there..... Of course I am one of those girls who is willing to give a person chance because I am more attracted to the intellect of a guy then their overalll looks because hey I might grow old with this guy, the outer beauty fades away but the intellect of the human brain never demises [unless other complications come along] but at the end of the day people may want to disagree, well a lot of people will disagree with what I'm saying but who cares.
Maybe I'm just one of those people who haven't stumbled over a person who has the looks and the personality. I guess at the end of the day shallowness is a complex everyone falls victim to, even myself but hey I try to avoid it. [yeah I sort of contradict myself throughout this blog but hey I'm trying to make a valid point]
Maybe you should to, because that one that you overlooked might be wifed [hubbied] up by the time you realize...
Good day all.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Fitting into the Mold
Friendships seem to come and go and some seem to prosper in my life, I always had this undying ability to hold on to my male friendships more than others. I can recall trying to fit into the mold of others and I still do unfortunately fall victim to it. I realize as time springs forward and I get older my pool of happiness has to seem to stray away from me, but not to far. I’m always content in my life but its very few moments where I am overly happy, I look at the people I surround myself with and often analyze how do I become friends with these distinctive opposing personalities. Yet I take myself back to the many moments I have with my best friends and realize I am capable of smiling and laughing and stepping out of the element that people recognize as a norm of me: serious, sarcastic, intellect, and so forth. People fail to realize, I am: humorous, open, funny, goofy, etc.
Real friendships seem hard to come by or it just may be me being the observant person that I am analyzing every ones friendships expect my own? Who knows, I can say over the past 2 to 3 years friendships seem to be nothing to people I’ve witness best friends talk about each other as if they hadn’t just been on the phone 5 minutes ago sharing stuff you don’t share with other people. Maybe it is just me and my anal ways to see that friendships aren’t SHIT to anyone anymore. I tend to hold my tongue for people, sugar coat things and in essence it is usually for my friends, I sometimes feel ashamed to say that I can’t share personal information or issues with a friend as they can with me. It is wrong? No I’ve learned that it is not, maybe friendships are my downfalls and I tend to overanalyze people but if I can’t share personal information with them what is the purpose of the friendship in the first place? Wow, so in essence to me actually writing that ongoing thought out I take this issue further to address another issue and ask myself really why are these specific people are in my life? I had a very interesting conversation with someone I wouldn’t call one of my best friends, but a very close one someone I could confide in, and this person brought to light that you don’t have to in turn confide in them as they would you, that doesn’t justifiably make the friendship. The person might be someone you could hang around for a good time, but in my mind that is someone you call an associate. Definitions can vary from person to person and I see my definition of friendship and the many sub points that it consist of are different from others.
At the end of the day I still let life flow, I feel that if I purposely let go some of these friendships that I question what was the purpose for them falling into my path in the first place? I guess its one of those things that you just have to think about but I’ve come to a point where I’m tired of thinking, I do love my BESTFRIENDS and close friends and can only count on my both hands those I really talk to and share things with, my theory has always been quality over quantity. So I see most people don’t follow this theory, but hey they aren’t me. I’m just one of those odd puzzle pieces that got left in the rain overnight and when trying to be put back into the puzzle it just doesn’t work, and in the end I have no problem with that.
Good Night World.
Sparkle
Real friendships seem hard to come by or it just may be me being the observant person that I am analyzing every ones friendships expect my own? Who knows, I can say over the past 2 to 3 years friendships seem to be nothing to people I’ve witness best friends talk about each other as if they hadn’t just been on the phone 5 minutes ago sharing stuff you don’t share with other people. Maybe it is just me and my anal ways to see that friendships aren’t SHIT to anyone anymore. I tend to hold my tongue for people, sugar coat things and in essence it is usually for my friends, I sometimes feel ashamed to say that I can’t share personal information or issues with a friend as they can with me. It is wrong? No I’ve learned that it is not, maybe friendships are my downfalls and I tend to overanalyze people but if I can’t share personal information with them what is the purpose of the friendship in the first place? Wow, so in essence to me actually writing that ongoing thought out I take this issue further to address another issue and ask myself really why are these specific people are in my life? I had a very interesting conversation with someone I wouldn’t call one of my best friends, but a very close one someone I could confide in, and this person brought to light that you don’t have to in turn confide in them as they would you, that doesn’t justifiably make the friendship. The person might be someone you could hang around for a good time, but in my mind that is someone you call an associate. Definitions can vary from person to person and I see my definition of friendship and the many sub points that it consist of are different from others.
At the end of the day I still let life flow, I feel that if I purposely let go some of these friendships that I question what was the purpose for them falling into my path in the first place? I guess its one of those things that you just have to think about but I’ve come to a point where I’m tired of thinking, I do love my BESTFRIENDS and close friends and can only count on my both hands those I really talk to and share things with, my theory has always been quality over quantity. So I see most people don’t follow this theory, but hey they aren’t me. I’m just one of those odd puzzle pieces that got left in the rain overnight and when trying to be put back into the puzzle it just doesn’t work, and in the end I have no problem with that.
Good Night World.
Sparkle
Assertively Complex.
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